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Share your Jokes smiles here

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 27 Oct 2014, 8:13 pm

Swimming Pool

Early in the summer, our three-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, was invited by our next-door neighbors to play with their four-year- old son, Charles in his new kiddie swimming pool. 

I put Elizabeth's bathing suit on her, and off she went. A few minutes later, she arrived at our doorstep without any clothes on. 

I was surprised to see her return so soon and asked her why she had taken off her bathing suit.

"It got wet!" Elizabeth replied. 

…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 26 Oct 2014, 9:04 pm

On the Lighter Side

A young pastor was invited to speak at a conference in
which there were multiple speakers. He was honored at
the opportunity to speak and felt that this would be
his first real break for recognition outside the
confines of his own congregation.

At the beginning of the conference the auditorium was
packed. During the course of the event, the crowds
dwindled, and when it was his turn to speak, there was
only one man left. Nonetheless, the preacher had come
to preach, and preach he did. At the conclusion of his
sermon, he walked down and thanked the man for coming
to listen to his sermon.

"Oh," said the man, "I didn't come to hear you speak;
I'm the final speaker."
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 24 Oct 2014, 11:25 am

October 23, 2014
 
HUMOR

Two men met recently and struck up a conversation. One was telling the other about some problems he was having with one of his kids. 

After a while the other guy said, "You think you have family problems? Get a load of my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. 

"Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me grandfather of my half-brother. 

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. 

"I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather. Wow! You think you have family problems."
 
…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Wed 22 Oct 2014, 1:10 pm

HUMOR

An expectant mom let her 4-year-old place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.

He asked, "How does the baby get out of there?"

To keep it simple, she just said, "The doctor will help."

His eyes widened: "You've got a doctor in there, too?!"

…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sat 18 Oct 2014, 11:05 am

Teasing
 
My grandson, Justus, age 10, and his sister Taylor, age 13, were always teasing each other. 
 
One day, Justus was getting "sensitive" about things his sister was saying to him.
 
I reminded him that he had said the same types of things many times in days past.
 
With quiet reflection, he spoke a gospel truth.  "But it doesn't hurt as much coming out of my mouth as it does going into my ears."
 
…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 13 Oct 2014, 9:07 am

On the Lighter Side

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese. 

  -- Submitted by Darrin Simpson
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 13 Oct 2014, 8:37 am

October 13, 2014
 
HUMOR

HUSBAND: Honey, do you love me just because I inherited a fortune from my father?

WIFE: Of course not, darling! I would love you regardless of who left you the money.

…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 10 Oct 2014, 3:51 pm

HUMOR

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape.

So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 05 Oct 2014, 8:55 pm

On the Lighter Side

How do you decide on whom to marry? (Written by Kids)

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you
like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip
coming." -- Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who
they're going to marry. God decides it all way before,
and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
-- Kristen, age 10 

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 03 Oct 2014, 7:16 pm

Max: "Are you a lawyer?

Fred: "Yes, I am."

Max: "How much do you charge?"

Fred: "Four hundred dollars for four questions."

Max: "Isn't that terribly expensive?"

Fred: "Yes, it is. What's your fourth question?"

…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 29 Sep 2014, 11:24 pm

HUMOR

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
 
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
 
The Lord replies, "A minute."
 
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
 
The Lord replies, "A penny."
 
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
 
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
 
…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 28 Sep 2014, 7:07 pm

On the Lighter Side

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think
Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" 

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two
worms." 

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 23 Sep 2014, 9:17 am

HUMOR
A guy decides to bring his new  girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, but there is one thing I don't understand." 
"What don't you understand?" 
The girlfriend replies, "Well, at the beginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 22 Sep 2014, 4:06 pm

September 22, 2014
 
HUMOR

A man went grocery shopping with his son.  They had the cart, they had the list...

Then the father whispered to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."

…..Copyright 2014 Mike Atkinson (www.mikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Wed 17 Sep 2014, 9:43 pm

HUMOR

Meeting

Long, unproductive meetings are often the curse of corporate life. 

My very funny boss at the software company where I worked has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. 

There comes a time when he announces, "All those opposed to my plan say, "I resign." 

End of meeting.

…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 16 Sep 2014, 1:38 pm

HUMOR

Selecting a Jury

As a court clerk I am well-versed in the jury-selection process.  First, a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day.  Then, another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom.  Then, the 40 names are placed in a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.

"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.

  

 
HUMOR

Gripe

A mayor of a small town passed out pens imprinted with the message "Got a gripe? Call the mayor".

One morning the phone rang and his secretary answered it. 

"Who was that?" the mayor asked.

"A citizen with a gripe," came the reply. "The pen you gave him doesn't work." 

…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 14 Sep 2014, 8:47 pm

. On the Lighter Side

A man in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school,
made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.

"Aw, Dad, it's okay," the son said. "The police car
right behind us did the same thing."

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 02 Sep 2014, 11:02 pm

On the Lighter Side

A little girl was watching her daddy repair his
tractor.

She asked her mother, "What happens to old tractors
when they finally stop working?"

Sighing, her mother answered: "Someone sells them to
your father, dear." 

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Mon 01 Sep 2014, 6:05 pm

“CHRISTIAN VOICES”
 
September 1, 2014
 
HUMOR

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. 

"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in.

At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

…..Mikey's Funnies (funnies-owner@lists.MikeysFunnies.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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JEWLARIOUS.Com (Aish)

Post  Admin on Mon 25 Aug 2014, 1:28 pm

JEWLARIOUS.Com
Video: Completely Unbiased News
by Jewlarious.com Staff
The "Settlement Freeze" may be over, but the media bias isn't.
View Video  3.03 mins
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JEWLARIOUS.Com

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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Fri 22 Aug 2014, 12:20 pm

Courteous Lady

A little old lady owned a home beside the fifth fairway, and stray golf balls were always landing in her back yard.  Instead of getting angry, she removed the fence along the boundary, invited the golfers onto her property, showed them where their ball was located, and encouraged them to take their next shot from that spot.  Even when they missed and dug deep divots in her lawn, she would tell them to go ahead and take another swing. 

A visitor, after witnessing her overly courteous behavior, couldn't help but comment. "How come you let them tear up your yard like that?" the visitor asked, "and not only that, you encourage them." 

"I'm not as courteous as you think," the old lady replied. "I'm planning on turning my yard into a garden, and I figure within another month they'll have it plowed for me."

…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 12 Aug 2014, 12:07 am

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN A SMALL COUNTRY CHURCH WHEN……..
 

~ People wonder, when Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

~ People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

~ The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," and five guys stand up.

~ Opening day of hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.

~ A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because: "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of!"

~ Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

~ There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

~ Baptism is referred to as "branding."

~ There's a special fundraiser for a new septic tank.

~ Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

~ High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.

~ The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear."
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Tue 05 Aug 2014, 1:15 pm

Serious Advice
A young boy gave some serious advice to his little sister.

He told her, "When you need help from our parents, don't ever tell them you made a mistake. Instead, say you want to talk to them about a recent learning experience. You get into much less trouble that way!"

…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 03 Aug 2014, 3:21 pm

On the Lighter Side 

One morning Emma woke up with a start. Her husband Jim
asked what was the matter. She told him, "I just had a
dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's
Day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Jim said.

That evening, Jim came home with a small package and
gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it, only to
find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." 

Source: Mickey's Funnies. To subscribe go to:
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The French police officer stops his car and asks the
gentleman if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he
has been drinking all day; that his daughter got
married in the morning to a French man, and that he
drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the
reception and quite a few glasses of single malt
thereafter. 

Quite upset, the police officer proceeds to alcotest
(breath test) him, which he fails and asks the
Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just
been arrested.

The Englishman answers with humor: "No!" And then says
to the policeman, "Do you know that this is a British
car, and that my wife is the driver ... on the other
side?
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

Post  Admin on Sun 03 Aug 2014, 12:00 am

HUMOR
 
Fire Safety Training

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher.

"Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "and then press the trigger to release the foam."

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin.

The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?"

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ... and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.
 
…..Doc’s Daily Chuckle (pkaine@roadrunner.com) by way of “Christian Voices” (ChristianVoices@att.net)
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Re: Share your Jokes smiles here

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